In the space of a few weeks, I have found myself compelled to speak feelings that are overwhelming, recycle thoughts and events in my mind endlessly, becoming so distracted I have really not been available to friends, family or my loved ones, Doug and Jessica.
I began to think of this as a crisis. A small one though. I haven't lost perspective so much as to see that others are dealing with life threatening disease, financial reversals or difficult children and marriages and such. I am lucky to have close friends and associates who have lent me a sympathetic ear, words of wisdom and expressions of acceptance and love.
Our habits and principles help us attain the good life. In fact, the hard life is simply unbearable without routines that ensure we keep our head above water and principles to guides us when we can't find our way.
While I struggle to feel its simple joy, Doug is still there with a lovingly brewed latte each morning. The pleasure in Jessica's voice as she reports on her new adventures in Athens and at Uof GA bring me delight. The rhythmic Percussive Breath has grounded me and my work as a Pilates teacher hasn't ceased to uplift me. Syd Banks' principles of Mind, Thought and Consciousness are there for me as I seek my happiness. My books are within my grasp so that I may find guidance and direction.
One lesson in this is discovering anew how much my friends mean to me. And what I mean to them. So many have extended themselves and strove to help me restore my confidence and a good life. My teacher, Pat, has listened and kept me strong. Rende wrote that I was valuable on a day when that was the furtherest thing that I could believe. Rende's mom prayed for me. Dana reminded me that it boiled down to my "feelings got hurt." Sherri, Rende and Mary wrote me poems. Michael reminded me we were talented and to just let it work itself out. Lisa assured me I could succeed. Frank, Maggie, Suzan and Paul cooked me a meal and celebrated me when it counted. Jean spoke of my uniqueness, how places are a bit brighter when I am around and I am welcome. Shelly and Heather checked in to see how I was doing. Curt says things will get better and I am loved. Anita helped me start a new endeavor. Alexandra pressed me to stay true to me. And Glen, the man who put me on my Pilates path, made me laugh and echoed that the right thing to do is stay with your teacher. Doug Bell has listened, held and loved me through it all. I don't find myself feeling weak very often. But that is the truth at the moment. And all these people and more have kept me tethered and marching forward. I am grateful.
I am still seeking comfort in Alexandra's You Are Your Choices. Chapters such as Your Choices Count Most In A Crisis, Enough Is Enough, Move On, Walk Away, Surround Yourself With People You Trust, Trust Your Subjective Well Being speak to me now.
I am sure that, as people like Glen, Michael and Curt have encouraged, I will come out of this stronger and better. It is only an uncomfortable change of circumstances. I will be able to regain my happiness.
I am taking the next couple of weeks to just rest and restore. I am going to sweat my frustrations and stress out in Bikram Yoga and NIA classes. I am going to enjoy the company of our visiting friends: Scott Hitt, this weekend and Harry and Jean-ne Dent, the 24th. I am likely to go back to the source of my love of Pilates; The Pilates Center Of Naples with Glen, Amy, Jill and Debra to help me get back to what this is all really about.
So Come September, I will:
- Start on a new course of study with Pat Guyton at her Pilates Conservatory
- Take a girls trip to NYC to Real Pilates NYC for some fun and a workshop
- Market my new Pilates For Stylists series
- Celebrate my daughter's 25th birthday.
- Attend a Tony Bennett concert
- Participate in a Unity Service conducted by friend, Susan Hawkins Sager
- Consider my next steps as a Pilates professional
"We should know what our convictions are, and stand for them." -Carl Jung
"When people reveal who they are, believe them. The first time." - Maya Angelou