Madly, Deeply, Passionately and Joyously

Today is my wedding anniversary. June 6 was my anniversary with my former husband. Doug forgives me when I get the two mixed up - which happens more than not.

Doug and I enjoyed a very hot, long distance romance. I don't remember how it came to be but "madly, deeply, passionately and joyously" became our romance mantra whenever we wrote love letters. This continues today...most recently he sent it to me in Spanish, which I posted to his FB.

Unbeknownst to the other, both of us arranged with our jeweler to have "mdpj" engraved inside our wedding bands. There is more engraved but after 14 years, I can't read it.

I feel quite fortunate to feel that madly, deeply, passionately and joyously sums up my love for Doug just like it did all those years ago.

Happy Anniversary to us.

Instant Glamour with Red Hot Shoes

From ivillage...by Aarti Sanan

It's hot, it's hot...in fact, it's red hot! Add a splash of color to your office suit and winter coat with sexy, bright red shoes. It's the most va-va-voom Hollywood trend this season, and it works perfectly with everything from the little black dress to pencil skirts and even minidresses. Bright red shoes go best with basic black, but you can have fun pairing them with khaki, white, charcoal or bold prints. Just stay away from obvious color clashes like purple. Remember, if it doesn't look good to you, it might look even worse than you think. And please avoid the matching red bag. That would be overkill.

Peep toes, pumps, round toes, accessorized with little bows, satin finish, a little bling with rhinestones for the holidays ‑- there's a red shoe out there for every outfit and every occasion. It's the new style statement, the new red lipstick. So get yourself a pair of racy red pumps today ‑- or maybe you want the slingbacks, or the kitten heels. And then there are the sexy red boots...

Go, Sarah, Go!

Happiness Experiment

Excerpt from Good Housekeeping...

My twinge of nostalgia for those premarital days was triggered by the arrival in my mailbox of a book called Happiness for Two: 75 Secrets for Finding More Joy Together. The sender was an editor friend who thought I'd make good use of it. The author was Alexandra Stoddard, an interior designer and author of dozens of books on "the art of living well." A self-proclaimed pioneer of the happiness movement, Stoddard spreads the word — literally — at "Happiness Weekends," where she lectures on how to find joy, bliss, and, for a little change of pace, color coordination.

A quick glance at the book's table of contents revealed three of her main themes:

1. Improve yourself. (Hence "secrets" like "Read some quality literature.")
2. Be considerate. (E.g., "Mess up, clean up" and "Sincerely say you're sorry.")
3. Do things à deux. ("Explore together your invisible wealth," "Read together"...and, just to drive home the point, "When you are together, be together.")

I'd read only three pages, and I was altogether ready to scorn Stoddard's neo-Victorian idea of a harmonious marriage. Any adult in need of reminders like "Don't correct each other in public" would be better off with a marriage counselor.

That said, some of the suggestions weren't as easy to scoff at. So I read on, and after cutting out the trite, irrelevant, and useless, I whittled down her list of 75 to 10:

1. Write each other's New Year's resolutions. This intrigued me. It was a bit early for resolutions, but we could certainly make a wish list of what we would each like the other to accomplish. If written, prods weren't nags.
2. Begin each encounter with a smile. So quaint, but there was hard research that smiling does improve outlook.
3. It feels good to look good. An opportunity to get Steve to wear nice clothes for a change, and not his ragged favorites.
4. Write love notes. As mentioned, we used to send beautiful, hilarious e-mails to each other. I wanted to revive our epistolary connection.
5. Give the gift of eye contact. We both had the bad habit of staring at the TV or computer screen when we talked.
6. Grumpiness is contagious. Being more mindful of mood could ward off secondhand blues.
7. Try not to interrupt. Stoddard meant bothering a partner during his alone time, but interruptions in conversation were also a problem for us (me).
8. Generous compliments lighten the heart. He was fairly reticent with the flattery. I wouldn't mind more of it.
9. Control your tone. Sometimes, I could be as obnoxious as a 16-year-old prom princess. For his part, Steve could be a tad condescending.
10. Celebrate more. We lavished gifts and parties on our daughters, but Steve and I downplayed our own birthdays and accomplishments. Making a big deal of little things could add excitement to our lives.

To view the article in its entirety, visit Good Housekeeping.

Watermelon II

I previously blogged about the health benefits of eating watermelon at the beginning of the summer. It appears we have even more reason to enjoy a slice - it "has a Viagra - like effect on the body's..."

When Doug reads this blog he will think I am making this up. When he reads this report from Science News, he is going to think I've been tricking him into getting busy with all the watermelon I've been feeding him. Of course, I have only been thinking of his heart.

Lycopene in red melons is higher than than that found in tomatoes or red grapefruit. Apparently, lycopene relaxes blood vessels. So does Viagra. For a real good dose, you have to eat the rind since that's the part of the melon with the highest concentration of this nutrient. Don't worry, they are working on a new breed so we don't have to eat the nasty stuff. OHI is validated - they sometimes only juice the rind and give that to you.

It is known that the body is better at absorbing lycopene in tomatoes when it is consume with oily vegetables such as spinach or avocado. Dr Patil thinks watermelon in a salad is a hard sell. He may be right, a blog search nets only one such salad in the first few Google pages. However, watermelon is finding its way into gourmet restaurants. I located a Watermelon, Avocado and Arugula salad, which I would prefer to the spinach. There's Watermelon, Avocado and Tequila soup, not exactly a Margarita but what the heck. The one I liked best was a salad with Seared Tuna, Watermelon, Avocado and Grapefruit. Another recipe called for shrimp and shallots with the watermelon and avocado, watercress too.


It is my humble opinion that people seem to put together things in recipes that work best for the body. The French bistros have made salads of grapefruit and avocado for a long time and Mexicans have their guacamole. In the name of better health (and more nookie), I made the following salad...

Watermelon And Avocado Salad

1/8th watermelon or 1-2 cups, cut in chunks
1/2 ripe avocado, cut in chunks, s & p to taste
1 green onion, sliced-green parts only
4-6 leaves, basil, mint or combo of both, chopped
2 oz goat cheese, or substitute with feta, crumbled
Pistachios or sunflower seeds, chopped

Mix all ingredients. Serve with your favorite balsamic or red wine vinegar and oil dressing.

For a dressing, I pureed some watermelon with lemon juice and poured that over the salad with a sprinkle of almond oil.

Happiness For Two - Stoddard

Choosing Happiness author, Alexandra Stoddard, is back with a new book in time for the lovers holiday with Happiness For Two. The book contains 75 essays aimed at finding happiness in loving relationships or "secrets for finding more joy together."

Avid Alexandra fans such as myself will not be disappointed with this latest publication. Those of us who read "Living In Love" will find Happiness For Two to be more universally wise about love with less reliance on the personal love of Alexandra and Peter. For this reason, I believe the book speaks equally to men and women. I have a daughter aged 25 who is reading the book with her girlfriends so it seems to surpass generational boundaries as well.

My favorite essays:

6. Go on vacations alone, together.
7. Assume more responsibility at home.
13. Write each other's New Year's resolutions.
14. Celebrate more.
22. Don't discuss your intimacy and secrets with others.
23. Be there as a support for all important occasions.
37. Establish your own rituals and traditions.
43. Talk up, not down.
44. Stop the teasing.
47. Don't move things from each other's personal spaces.
52. Don't correct each other in public.
56. Try not to interrupt.
58. Conversations shouldn't be monologues.
67. Patience, patience.

A few essays, such as vacationing alone together and establishing our own rituals and traditions, are favorites because of my wholehearted agreement with Alexandra's advice. Others, especially regarding not interrupting or moving things, are ones that would heighten our happiness if I improve in these areas. Some are ones that have a fresh idea or perspective, as in the one about writing each other's resolutions.

I found these quotes to be thought provoking...

"Cannot we let people be themselves, and enjoy life in their own way?" - Emerson

"Good and evil do not befall men without reason. Heaven sends them happiness or misery according to their conduct." - Confucius

"Do not sit long with a sad friend. When you go to a garden do you look at the weeds?" - Rumi

"What do we live for if not to make life less difficult for each other?" - George Eliot

• "Whenever you love what you're doing, you will be more lovable."

• "When you genuinely want harmony at home, assume more responsibility."

• "Equal power is not the same as equal distribution."

• "We best work things out when when we want the best for each other."

• "In an intimate partnership, be high-hearted about what's really important: how blessed you are to love each other."

• "In order to increase your own happiness, you have to get into the happiness habit."

• "We must constantly discipline our minds."

• "Someone who celebrates more lives more fully and loves more deeply."

• "If only we tried as hard to be good as we try to be beautiful."

• "I don't appreciate people who try to brainwash me into going along with their opinion when I find their political or religious beliefs incompatible with mine."

• "The secret for all lovers is that you put each other first."

• "Each should do whatever possible to make their partner happy."

• "Show me what you like to do and I'll tell you who you are."

• "If you don't express yourself, the world will never experience your unique vision."

• "Simplify the outward details of our lives."

• "It is better to strengthen your back than to lighten your burden."

• "Be a fountain, not a drain."

• "No matter how fortunate we are, if we're not thankful for the gifts we have, we will not be happy."

• "Wake up in the morning and make up your mind to be happy."

• "If your lover is kind, generous, warmhearted, loving, friendly, outgoing and forgiving, you will live your lives together in harmony and contentment."

- Alexandra Stoddard

It is a tradition of mine to read one new relationship book and reread "Living In Love" before Valentine's Day. As we celebrate the day, Doug and I like to reflect on our past together as a couple. Sometimes he reads to me the marriage proposal he drafted. We also like to discuss how to take our relationship to the next level. We strive to be grateful, to not take our love for granted and keep the romance, not only alive, but blazing. We seek that ultimate experience that is happiness for two.

Love Letter

Doug and I completed our Valentine's celebration with a remarkable meal at Francesca's At Sunset at the Westin La Cantera. The evening's theme was love letters. Through out our meal, we were presented beautiful notes reminding us of great literary loves such as Romeo and Juliet. We were also given directions on writing the perfect love letter.

How to Write the Perfect Love Letter

by Larry Barkdull

Maybe your heart is beating wildly or maybe it is broken. Either way, you wish you could say what you feel, but every time you try, you come up short. Welcome to the complicated world of love! Take comfort in knowing that poets and statesmen have struggled with the same question--"How do I write the perfect love letter?" Here are some simple guidelines that can help.

1. Presentation. Use beautiful stationery (a neutral, soft color, such as cream or white) and a flair pen with black or brown ink--no blues, greens or reds! Remember, your Love Letter is being written to someone special. Hand-written letters are best. This is personal--you are not writing a business letter!
2. Ambience. Go to a secluded place and put on soft, romantic music. A quiet room would be nice. Dim the lights. Stimulate a romantic mood.
3. Keepsake. Date your Love Letter (month, day, year). This is a letter that will be treasured and remembered. You can bet that it will be read over and over and safeguarded in a special place.
4. Greeting. Choose an endearing salutation. Don't be formal. Use you love's first name. For example: "My dearest Jennifer . . ." or "My darling Matt . . ."
5. Beginning. Start your Love Letter by telling your beloved your reasons for writing. For instance: "I have lain awake many sleepless nights trying to compose words that might adequately describe the feelings of my heart. But every time I have made the attempt, I have failed miserably. Please forgive my poor effort and accept a trite and simple phrase: I love you. I think I can say it no better than that . . . ." Never insult your beloved's feelings or belittle yourself by saying something like: "I know you probably don't feel this way," or "You must think I'm crazy." If you are timid in your Love Letter, your attempt at conveying heartfelt words will fall flat and might be misunderstood.
6. Body. The body of the Love Letter should include reasons for why you fell in love. Here are some ideas:
-recall when you fell in love with him/her

-explain how your life has changed for the better

-describe how much you miss your love when you're apart

-explain that you can't imagine life without him/her

-list some of the many things you have in common tell how wonderful and complete he/she makes you feel
-recall some special moments you've shared together
-mention times you've picked him/her out of a crowd
-list qualities that set him/her apart from everyone else
Avoid being casual, too light-hearted, or openly erotic. A Love Letter is a letter of respect that coveys deep, difficult-to-express feelings. Don't discount the impact of poetry in place of, or in addition to, your words. Maybe your beloved has a favorite author or poet. It will be seen as a compliment if you take the time to quote someone he/she admires. Be sure to give proper credit where it's due. Don't forget the Internet is a great place to find that poem or song you are trying to quote!
Be real. Your Love Letter should be a carefully crafted work of art, but it also needs to sound sincere. You want your Love Letter to make your beloved fall in love, not fall into laughter. Be confident as you express your emotions, dreams, and vulnerability.
NOTE: don't expect your first attempt will be the letter you send. Practice on scrap paper before you start writing on your good stationery. REVISE, then leave it for a few hours, then return and revise it again. Read it again in the morning before you send it. You'll improve it, as well as have fewer regrets--guaranteed!
7. Closing. End your Love Letter with carefully worded prose: "There, I have said it. I can rest now. And as I dream, I will dream of you." Make your closing upbeat and positive.
8. Valediction. Don't just end with: "Love, Eric." Even if you said, "All my love," it would be better. You become even more romantic by writing something like: "Dream of me, my love . . . ." What you want is a simple, yet heartfelt goodbye: "With undying love," or "Forever yours." Remember, you may think this is too sappy, but your loved one will treasure each word. Be prepared to have it quoted to you in years to come.
9. Insert. Include a special extra: petals from a flower, sprinkles of stars, a teabag of your favorite tea . . . . You get the idea. That little extra effort means you really put some thought (and heart) into this.
10. Neatness counts. Gently fold the Love Letter and place it in a neatly addressed envelope--hopefully, one that matches your stationery. The correct way is to fold a small stationery sheet (or sheets) in half with the text on the inside. Place the letter in the envelope with the crease at the bottom and the salutation facing the back. Hand address the envelope. Remember what your elementary teacher taught you about penmanship--make sure your love is able to read your writing! Add a stamp that looks romantic--the Garden Bouquet stamps are nice--and affix it upside down. It is a custom that means, "I love you." Drop the letter in the mail. That's it! Expect an emotional response. And here's another tip: buy some breath mints--you'll need them!
11. Be expressive. Here are some popular words to use in your Love Letter: angel, angelic, lover, giving, alluring, tempting, sensual, sensuality, seeing, tasting, touching, holding, caressing, memories, memorable, darling, gorgeous, absence, velvet, voyage, beautiful, vision, elation, blossoms, happy, kisses, innocent, passion, dreaming, delirious, temptation, complete, desire, content, embrace, rainbow, rose, adoring, stars, privileged, heart.

http://www.writeexpress.com/How-to-write-a-love-letter.html

Valentine's 2007

"Love in the past is only a memory. Love in the future is a fantasy. Only here and now can we truly love." - Buddha

"In no love story I have ever read is the character ever tired." -Roland Barthes

"In all my getures, thoughts and acts, I want to lift him up, to increase his joy, to share meaningful times together, because I care how he feels, moment to moment." - Alexandra Stoddard

"I make love with my brush." August Renior

"We sought each other long before we met...We found ourselves so mutually taken with one another, so acquainted and so endeared betwixt ourselves, that from hence forward nothing was ever so near to us as one another...Being begun so late, there was no time to lose. - Michel de Montaigne

"The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved." -Victor Hugo

"Give all to love." -Emerson

"Coffee drinkers are statistically more sexually active that other people." -Diane Ackerman

"You are so precious to me. Virtually every thought I think is of you. I am so happy and I love you." -Doug Bell