Wardrobe Woes

My closet is one place where I am stuck. I championed a move from a home with a view of the Gulf to a Texas track house that overlooks limestone boulders in mere months. I am putting myself through a rigorous professional program that isn't absolutely necessary. I have a healthier diet and am more fit than ever. But I cannot seem to find the energy and willpower to confront my closet.

I have watched Mission Organization as if it were a sage revealing the meaning of life. California Closets has installed shelves and drawers and baskets to contain my stuff in an orderly manner. I have various sizes of plastic containers to neatly hold swimsuits, winter gloves, hosiery, handbags, sweaters and bulky items and hats. Blouses are separate from casual shirts, with both hung like a rainbow from white to black with solids coming first, patterns second. Dresses are hung above, suits, pants and jackets are below. Organization is not my problem.

My problem is what I am hanging onto, literally and figuratively. There are items that are out of style. Others are worn out. Some are purchase mistakes. Most do not fit anymore. A few are remainders of a little retail therapy.

My clothes represent thousands of dollars I have invested to present certain images to the world. Despite that many of these images are plainly irrelevant today, there they hang. The suits seem to be there to remind me of earlier times when I was a leader in my profession and community, when I made important decisions, when I made more money. The collection of swimsuits takes me to the beaches of St. Augustine, Amelia Island, Key West, Naples, Cancun, Grand Cayman and Kauai. There are elegant dresses whispering about galas, charitable affairs and being photographed for lifestyle magazines. My closet has become a memorial that forces me to pay my respects every time I want to get dressed!

Somewhere next to all those belongings of the women I used to be, lay the few pieces that are telling the story of who I am becoming. A whole drawer is dedicated to black unitards; skintight, one piece suits that are the uniform of my Pilates-Fletcher work. Low-rise, long legged jeans are folded and stacked high in one cube, indicating more time is spent at Starbucks than in boardrooms these days. Next to the bull nose heels that I could walk around in all day long sit sexier, 4 inch heels in black and red patent leather.

April will bring my final testing in the first level of my Pilates certification, taking me still further away from the days as a Style Team or Board member and the owner of a company. With Spring's arrival comes a beckoning for rebirth and renewal. It is time to summon the courage to leave the past in the past, remove the obstacles to my abundance and embrace my future. I am in need of a closet intervention!

Pleasure And Pain Of Company

After having company overnight for three weekends in a row, I gave some consideration to what makes one a good guest and host. Being good at either takes thoughtfulness and respect.

GUESTS
Random House defines a guest as a visitor, as company. Visiting someone in their home can bring about feelings of pleasure or pain for everyone involved. Good hosts are going to do extra meal planning, shopping and preparation for us. They will prepare a place to sleep and bathe for us. Their routines are going to be interrupted by us. They are going to incur extra expenses generated by us. Despite all this, there are actions we can take to ensure we will always be welcome:

Only Stay Up To Three Nights
There is a reason for the maxim that compares house guests to the smell of rotting fish - it is true, both stink as three days approach. No matter how much love exists between the hosts and the guests, everyone is going to reach their co-habitation limit. We want our hosts to be happy to see us come, not to see us go. Trust me, three days is pushing it.

Plan Our Own Travel And Entertainment
Hosts will invariably have recommendations for dining, accomodations, activities and points of interest for their area. But we are responsible for arranging our own amusement and excursions while on a visit. Alerting our hosts of arrival and departure plans is considerate. It is a burden for hosts if we do not pre-plan our activities. Take advantage of our American Express concierge. Have our own transportation. Extend invitations, not obligations.

Help vs Hindrance
Ask where to place our personal items. Offer to assist with the meal. If the hostess declines, appreciate that they would like to do it themselves or enjoy serving us. If we have food allergies or strong taste preferences, let our hosts know in advance so they may accommodate us. Offer to clean up the dishes. However, if our hostess invites us to have a seat in the family room, take the hint. Be mindful that during meals, hosts are multi-tasking so don't require too much attentiveness. Maintain any areas we are bathing, lounging and sleeping in. Allow hosts the freedom of filling the washer or pulling out items from the pantry without our hovering. Assure our hosts that we understand they have professional or personal priorities that must be attended to. Do all that we can to not impose on our hosts' graciousness.

5 Hour Rule
In Things I Want My Daughters To Know, Alexandra Stoddard wrote an essay entitled, "The 5 Hour Rule." The 5 Hour Rule states that a break is needed after 5 consecutive hours in one another's company. (Since the very nature of house guests holds each other captive for more than 5 hours, Alexandra chooses never to entertain others overnight.) After 5 hours, it is time for a break. Be mindful that a break may be needed earlier than 5 hours. Give hosts some privacy. They may wish to phone their spouse or child, take a nap, have a walk, read a passage or observe a meditation. Take this time to do the same. ( I once had a house guest who said they loved everything Alexandra had written in Things...but the 5 Hour Rule. I remarked the 5 Hour Rule was for those who didn't see the necessity of the 5 Hour Rule!). The 5 Hour Rule gives us a guideline for maintaining our positivity and energy as a host and a guest.

Shower Your Hosts With Generous Reciprocity
Pay the tab of meals eaten with our hosts outside their home. Spring for movie tickets, amusement park admissions and museum passes when they accompany us. Let's face it, we would be spending a great deal more if they hadn't provided us with room and board during our stay. Always arrive with a gift and send a hand written thank you note after we get home. Exhibit an attitude of gratitude and be the law of abundance in action.

HOSTS
A host is an entertainer of guests (coincidentally, Host comes just before Hostage). Personally, I like for my guests to feel as if they have booked a room at an elegant bed and breakfast. Remember, an invitation is not an obligation, so visitors to our area may prefer to stay in a hotel or meet us at a restaurant for dinner.

Sleeping Quarters
Dress the bed with luxury and comfort in mind. Provide pillows from soft to firm and the highest thread count you can afford for the sheets. Supply extra blankets for those who may get chilled in the night. Set out a vase of flowers, drinking water, glasses and possibly a snack. Stock the room with brochures for area attractions and activities. Place a selection of books or magazines that guests can enjoy as they savor a break as the 5 Hour Rule is observed. In our guest room, my guests have a plasma tv to keep them occupied and thick bath robes to lounge in . Complete the sensual experience with matches and a scented candle.

Bathing Facilities
As with bed linens, provide the highest quality bath ensembles you can afford. Put out a fresh bar of soap. Our guests may also enjoy a bottle of shower and bath gel. Have a spare hair dryer available. Stock the bath with Q-Tips, shampoo and conditioner, facial pads, razor, tissue and lotion.

Meals
For those of us who like to cook, an elaborate lunch or dinner is an expression of care for our guests. It needn't be overdone - one or twice in a stay is sufficient. Perhaps you host a welcome dinner and can relax a bit about the meals after that. Provide continental breakfast items such as fresh fruit, juice, coffee and breads or cereals. It is likely that our guests would welcome a breakfast comprised of egg, fruit and meat dishes with delicious bread as a treat at some point during their stay. Have snacks such as nuts, crackers, cheese, deli meats and frozen desserts on hand. If we are not cooks, we should make reservations at our favorite regional restaurants. An assortment of wine and liqueurs presented at a happy or nightcap hour are a nice touch.

Miscellaneous
Orchestrate that one something that would make the trip memorable.You may want to plan a dinner party and introduce your friends to your company. Arrange to attend a concert of a popular band or the gallery opening of a local artist. Encourage them to get a massage with your fabulous massage therapist or a facial at a favorite spa. Give them directions to your favorite shopping area. Rent a video, see a blockbuster or an obscure release. Direct them to something with local flavor that they wouldn't necessarily find on a travel website. Grant them access to your PC to catch up on emails or keep up with projects at work. Leave night lighting on in hallways, stairways and the kitchen or bathroom so your guests don't have to fumble in the dark. Give instructions on adjusting thermostats.

PLEASURABLE AND PAINLESS

When traveling, I usually seek the privacy and freedom that comes from a room provided by an anonymous hotel chain or proprietor. I am glad when my friends and relatives do not make a fuss and insist I spend every meal or waking moment with them. I do have select friends and family who extend the kind of hospitality that affords me a good night's sleep and autonomy to plan my days and nights as I please. I am more comfortable as a host than a guest. It brings me a great deal of joy to provide travelers a delicious meal and a welcoming room. I most appreciate guests who wake up to share a latte in the morning, head off to pursue their interests in the day and keep to themselves until it's time to reconvene at dinner.

As guests, we are most tolerable when we are self-sufficient. As hosts, it is rewarding when we attentively design stays for our guests. Hosts and guests alike can aspire to exceed each other's expectations, minimizing discomfort of shared quarters and maximizing the enjoyment of shared company.

Unexpected State Of Balance

Today was one of those rare days when I was able to attend to all four dimensions of life: mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. There was sufficient time spent with family. My mind was expanded as my sweetheart patiently told the insights he had with regards to options trading, laws and principles and probability percentages. Reverence and devotion was paid to the Omnipotent. I moved and broke a sweat with some enthusiastic, admirable women that made feel like I was a part of them.

I awoke this morning knowing only that we would attend a spiritual service at Unity Of New Braunfels and an inclination to take the 4pm NIA class at Synergy Studio.

Doug had his cappuccino and I my latte as we shared excitedly our news from the previous day in our bed. He had a 5am - 10:30pm round trip to Austin the day before, where he attended an investment class and enjoyed dinner with the participants afterwards. I am amazed how much there is to say even though we have spent only a short time away from each other.

Rev. Karen Tudor encouraged us to move beyond believing in God to trusting in God. She asked us to think of God as a wall that we can lean against and trust that we will be supported when we are off balance. We got to put our spirit of generosity to practice by purchasing plates from Unity's youth of brisket, baked beans, green bean casserole (yes, just like the recipe on the can of soup) and cake.

Later, I found the motivation to join Adelle, Jan, Joanie and the other NIA instructors for a class they team taught. They were introducing a new theme to NIA's fitness expression: Clarity, form and freedom. I felt the intention of clarity the most as we did high kicks (well, high for me) to the front, back and sides with an emphasis on the heel. I became inspired in the cool down as Joanie had us lift to a bridge from a side can-can position. Early blog readers may remember my goal to get more cardio into my lifestyle this year and that NIA was how I aspired to do it. For those in the San Antonio area, Adelle's studio also offers Yoga and African Dance. There is an upcoming workshop on the Alexandra Technique. What I am most excited about is the Andalusi Dance class, a combination of Pilates, Belly Dancing and Flamenco! For those of you who would like to find NIA instructors in your area, visit NIANOW.

After class, I headed to my favorite market to pick up items for dinner. I saw Ina and Giada make shrimp recipes on the Food Network recently. I decided to tweak and merge their recipes to make something refreshing and in celebration of Spring.

I made a marinade/dressing of 1/4 c lemon juice, 1/2 olive oil, 3 minced garlic cloves and red pepper flakes, salt and pepper to taste. I coated shrimp and roasted in a 400 degree oven for about 5 minutes. I chopped cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, kalamata olives, marinated artichoke hearts, feta cheese, scallions and mint. A 1/2 c of orzo was cooked in boiling, salted water. I mixed all the chopped vegetables and cheese with the shrimp and orzo. I dressed it sparingly and served it over mixed greens with lemon sliced into halve moons. For dessert, I took 10 Chocolate Hazelnut Biscotti that I had frozen in Glad Freezer Press N Seal when I made a batch over the holidays.
For my recipe sources, have a look at:
Ina's Shrimp and Orzo
Giada's Marinade

Connecting with one's beloved. A chatty call with a daughter and sharing a church fundraising meal with an elderly mother in law. An offering to seek higher oneness with God. The pleasure and joy that comes with moving the body rhythmically and within a community of like minded women. Earth's bounty prepared creatively to nourish and sustain. One day unfolding as one dimension blended effortlessly into another. In Living in Balance: A Dynamic Approach for Creating Harmony & Wholeness in a Chaotic World, Joel and Michelle Levey wrote that it is impossible to live in balance. We are continually moving between states of balance and states of imbalance. They wrote, " Balance is not a static state that we find once and for all..." I am grateful for today, for a day that provided unexpected evenness.

"Take one small step to improve your current situation." - Joel and Michelle Levey

Announcing Fat, Broke and Lonely No More!

11 Weeks Until Victoria Moran's Latest Book Is In Stores!

Some years ago, I was strolling through a bookstore during an Orlando vacation. I discovered a small but powerful book, Creating A Charmed Life by Victoria Moran. One essay title, Do The Next Indicated Thing was so important to me that I had the quote imprinted on my business cards. Since then, I have been fortunate to hear Victoria speak and get to know her. I can attest that she is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside.

I am excited about her upcoming publication. It looks like it is going to be informative and fun to read. Victoria has given her readers a sneak peek at the book's table of contents, which I am sharing with you below. If it looks interesting to you, I encourage you to place a pre-order with your favorite online or neighborhood bookstore. If you would like Victoria to appear in your city, email her assistant, Joya, at charmedassistant@aol.com with the name, address, phone and contact at your local independent bookstore. Get in touch with Joya also if you would like Victoria to speak at any charities, groups or clubs you are active in.

I. Breaking Up with the Emptiness Inside
Fat, broke and lonely arise from an inner void and withdraw when you develop a viable inner life.

1. The Anatomy of Fat, Broke and Lonely
2. The Emptiness Epidemic
3. To Go Where Other People Only Dream Of, Do What They Won’t Do
4. Get Busy on Your Mission Already
5. Maybe You Are an Accountant: Your Life Is Supposed to Be Art
6. Yes, You’re Flawed. And You’re Perfect. Chew on That
7. Your Life Believes Every Word You Say
8. Got God*?
9. When Doing Nothing Can Bring You Everything
10. ‘Fit, Flush, Partnered & Still Empty’ Is Just Fat, Broke & Lonely in Drag


II. Breaking Up with Fat
There is a power inside you that leads to right decisions, even in areas as ordinary as your food choices and getting to the gym.

11. Fat Phobia May Also Be Harmful to Your Health
12. Start Seeing Yourself as Gorgeous. Now.
13. What You’re Looking For Is Not in the Refrigerator
14. Fill Your Life, Then Your Plate
15. Good Food Is a Good Thing
16. Find Out Who Isn’t Fat and Do What They Do
17. When in Doubt, Use the MAP: Moderation, Activity, Persistence
18. I Know This Much Is True
19. One Other Person Has to Be In On This
20. With a Higher Power, Willpower Is So Last Season

III. Breaking Up with Broke
Abundance---financial and otherwise---is normal, natural, and right. You attract it by thinking, speaking, and living abundantly.

21. It Wasn’t in the Fridge and It’s Not at the Mall
22. The Twelve Stops
23. Maybe Boring but Never Broke
24. Give Cash a Chance
25. Put Ten Percent to Work for Good
26. Put Ten Percent to Work for You
27. Expect, Affirm, Envision
28. Appreciate Now, Appreciation Later
29. Put Your Money Where Your Morals Are
30. Create a Life that Attracts Abundance


IV. Breaking Up with Lonely
When your life is full and your spirit engaged, you’ll delight in your own company and draw caring, supportive people into your world.

31. Lonely Isn’t Funny
32. The Score Is: Energy 1, Lonely Nothing
33. Fall in Love with Your Own Company
34. Sex and the Gritty
35. History with Drunks and Losers? Don’t Let History Repeat Itself
36. You’d Be So Nice to Come Home To
37. How to Win Friends and Put Up with People
38. Entertain, Dahling
39. It’s Not About You
40. Charisma 101


V. Hooking Up with the Life of Your Dreams
You came to this planet to be remarkable. You do that by being yourself, using your gifts, and shining your light.

41. Ya Gotta Have a Dream
42. Full Frontal Fearless
43. Put Together Your Dream Team
44. Light Up Your Look
45. One Day a Week, Unplug and Reconnect
46. Live Your Dream Right Now, Live Your Life Right Now
47. You Have to Stand for Something
48. Keep Adding to the Soup
49. When You Don’t Want to Do this Stuff, You Need It More than Ever
50. If You Knew Who You Really Were, You’d Be Starstruck

Source - The Charmed Monday Minute From Victoria Moran

Follow links for Victoria above in this post and to the right under LINKS, Charmed Life.
Congratulations to Victoria on her accomplishment. I know we all wish her much success!

Rosemary

I walked out my front door this morning to find bright sunshine glistening on thriving rosemary bushes. Delicate blue flowers have bloomed all over the plants, a visual sign of Spring's arrival. Rosemary is usually associated with the coastal areas of the Mediterranean. Its Latin name means dew of the sea. It is also resistant to drought so it can be found all over San Antonio in our landscaping, growing hardily with its stems reaching upward towards the light.

Rosemary is a symbol of remembrance. We use it to flavor lamb served on Easter, pin it on our war veterans during memorials and add to arrangements at funerals. Rosemary also symbolizes fidelity. It was believed that if you touched your beloved with a sprig, they would remain true. Rosemary oils and extracts are thought to have medicinal properties, enhancing our memory.

This intensely aromatic and flavorful herb is a staple in Mediterranean cuisine. I love to chop it finely with some thyme and make a paste with dijon mustard, mustard seeds and minced garlic. I spread it on lamb chops or pork tenderloins, which I roast on high heat. Michael Chiarello has plucked the leaves and used the stems as skewers for kabobs. It is reported to be thrown in to flavor smoking meats. I want try the same on the grill but wonder if it will catch fire.

I have learned not to use rosemary as greenery in vases with flowers. The oils killed my white roses! When Teresa Allen was visiting last weekend, she snipped a few springs and scented the guest bath with them.

My abundant bushes are inspiring me to do more than admire them. I am waiting for my creative juices to flow, giving me a direction in my cooking and my decor. For good measure, I'll give Doug a tap or two with some as well.

'Where Rosemary flourished, the woman ruled.' - Botanical.com

In The Kitchen With Zane

Saturday afternoon found me in Central Market deciding what to prepare for our overnight guests, Zephra, Karen and 8 yr old Zane. Since San Antonio has been experiencing blue skies, bright sunshine and nippy air, grilling chicken seemed a good choice. The yellow squash was bountiful so I bagged a few of those. Then it struck me to make kabobs. This would give me an opportunity to spend some time one on one with Zane. I would get to share an interest of mine and find out what was interesting to him right now.

Zane was immediately agreeable to my request for his help. When I dressed him in a Mickey Mouse apron, he was really in the cooking spirit! Our first task was to assemble the kabobs:

Chicken and Vegetable Kabobs

3 split boneless and skinless chicken breast, cut into bite size pieces
3 yellow squash, sliced into half moons
3 zucchini, sliced into half moons
1/2 red onion, quartered
1 red bell pepper, cubed
1 thick slice white onion, quartered
2 cloves garlic, minced
5 tbs canola oil
1 lemon juiced
salt and pepper



Place chicken, garlic and white onion in resealable plastic bag. Add 3 tbsp oil, lemon juice, garlic and seasoning. Marinate in fridge for several hours. toss vegetables in remaining oil and salt and pepper to taste. Thread marinated meat and vegetables on skewers (if using wood skewers, soak for 30 min). Grill for approximately 20 min at 325 degrees or until chicken is done.

Zane used his creativity to set the table and proudly announced dinner for the adults.

Our meal also included a caesar salad, blueberry crisp and homemade lemonade. Zane reluctantly gave up his apron shortly before bedtime. However, he didn't know about tomorrow's brunch!


Zane was definitely up hours before the rest of us. For brunch, we donned our aprons and got down to the business of making baking eggs in ham cups. The first few cracking of eggs were touch and go, but by the last one, Zane was a skilled sous chef cracking eggs.

For our egg dish, we sauteed red bell pepper, onion and garlic in olive oil. In a muffin pan, we lined the cup with a slice of deli ham (canadian bacon or proscuitto would also work). A spoon of the aromatics was added along with feta or parmasean cheese and one egg. We sprinkled thyme, salt and pepper on the top. These were baked in a 400 degree over for 15-20 min.

The baked egg cups were served with a bowl of cantaloupe and
strawberries, an oven baked pancake and real maple syrup.

When you don't have children at home, a visiting family's child or children can feel left out. Inviting Zane into the kitchen was my way of ensuring he had fun too. The meals were made memorable by the spontaneous antics of Zane as he worked on his tasks in the kitchen. Follow the Food Network's advice and "cook with your kids." If you don't have any of your own, do as I did - make use of the ones that belong to your friends!

For recipe inspiration, I used these as a guideline:

Peach and Raspberry Crisp - Ina Garten
Baked Eggs In Canadian Bacon Cups - South Beach Diet Online

Maintaining Your Motivation

A new Pilates client reminded me yesterday of a valuable tool I utlize to keep myself moving in the directions of my goals. The client began her Pilates program with the intention of changing her body, in search of the holy grail of all fitness quests - weight loss. With a few sessions behind her, she has begun to make statements such as "This is really hard" and "There are so many rules." I recognized she was at a pivotal point in her Pilates practice when she shared that she had almost given up. I introduced her to the stages all new learners must pass through. This process is known as the Consious Competence Learning Matrix.

When we apply ourselves to a new pursuit, we will encounter the need to develop new skills. We don't become fit, we are attaining new knowledge and abilities where the outcome is our being more fit. The same is true for any area in which you wish to make improvements. To progress in your job or career, you must seek more education and training. To experience more financial security, you must adopt attitudes and behaviors that financially secure people exhibit. To achieve spiritual awareness, there will be prayer or meditation methods you have to practice. The difference between those who reach their goals and those who don't is predicated on this: the competence they develop and the commitment they maintain.

By identifying a goal, we are acknowledging that we have an unmet need we want fulfilled or a weakness we want to strengthen. This acknowledgement is what motivates us to make a change and prompt us to take action. This is when we are confronted with the 4 stages within the Learning Matrix. We can easily determine at what stage of learning we are in. We simply need to measure our level of commitment and competence.

Unconscious Incompetence - High Commitment, Low Competence
When my client made her Pilates appointments, she was very enthusiastic. She was dedicating precious time and resources towards her goal and was making a tangible, positive step in the right direction. She really wasn't able to distinguish the difference in quality of her work as a beginner to that of an experienced practicioner. At this stage, we really don't have full grasp on what we've signed up for. We are basking in the enjoyment of our new adventure.

Conscious Incompetence - Low Commitment, Low Competence
If stage one represents an ingnorant bliss, stage two represents our moment of truth, our turning point. My client is now realizing that the work she has signed up for requires specific skills and she doesn't have them. This is the stage where we may be unwilling to proceed. This is when we quit. If we fool ourselves, we reason that we are time-deprived, have too many responsibilities, we're aadd or we fill in the blank with anything that will let us back out and save face. On the other hand, we may be in awe of those who practice the skill with such mastery as to make it look effortless. If something like this happens, we will experience a shift in our thoughts and feelings and find the enegry to continue towards what we hope to accomplish.

Conscious Competence - Variable Commitment, Higher Competence
Stage three is the stage of the realistic. We can make self evaluations with regards to performance. We know what we do well, what we don't and are continuing to takes steps towards improvement. We are more self reliant, not so dependent on role models and teachers. We can still have moments of doubt and insecurity or feel our tenacity dissipate. Looking back, we can see how far we've come. Looking forward, we can see how far we have to go. It is likely we will be experiencing benefits from our hard work. In the case of a Pilates student, we would feel stronger and see physical changes in the our body. If we were learning tennis, perhaps our wins are growing.

Unconscious Competence - High Commitment, High Competence
Finally, the stage of achievement. It is here that we find our joy again. We are meeting or exceeding our goal with what seems like less attention and effort. We can perform with a great deal of precision. If appropriate, we may be able enjoy the activity while doing other tasks. This is a time when we may feel lead to teach others.

Reflective Competence -
Our skill is now second nature. We can now perform to a superior standard from instinct.

Understanding the Conscious Competence Learning Matrix has been immeasurably helpful to me, as a teacher and a student. The matrix informs me that in any new learning environment, I can expect to experience much difficulty, particularly in the initial stage. I can expect my emotions to fluctuate, and with them my motivation. I can better prepare myself as I embark on my new goals. I don't take my thoughts of discomfort or failure so seriously that they distract me from my pursuits. I know I have to manage my commitment as I work on my competence until I reach stage three, when I am less likely to find an excuse to discontinue. I have become more careful about making commitments and setting goals now that I am aware of what will really be involved.

I invite you to conduct an evaluation of the different areas where you are a student or adopting a new skill. Determine what stage you may be in each area. In the earlier stages, you will want more direction. In the later stages, you will want more support. As you demonstrate to yourself improvement in your competencies, you will find your source of motivation expand.